On the one hand, I can’t believe our little squisher is already six months old, but at the same time I can’t believe it’s only been six months—it seems like we’ve always had Ian. We celebrated with a bite of smashed banana, which he couldn’t have cared less about.

We headed for the back corner of Yia Yia’s at noon on Friday. The light was fantastic, and I would have loved to play with the camera for a while, but alas, work and naps could wait no longer.

I realize this barely counts as a self-portrait, but I really like it as a snapshot of our family. Jason is trying to make Simon a trade—his crusts for Simon’s bread. Simon declined. And Ian is chewing on the camera strap.

This one was taken just fooling around with the camera while we were sitting on the front sidewalk waiting for Jason to get home from work. I am always pretty weary by this time of day, and it shows.

Likewise I feel like I’m running out of steam on the whole self-portrait project, and I’m glad it’s coming to a close. On the whole, I’m glad I tried it—I’ve learned a little about myself, a little about my camera, and a little about my own creative process. I actually do have a few more ideas for SPs that I may (or may not) try to take eventually, but I’m ready to turn my creative attentions outward for a while again.

This one was taken in the bathroom at the Walt library branch. I had “remembered” the tiles as green/teal and the mirror as a huge piece of glass covering the whole wall, so imagine my surprise to find blue tile on one wall, white on the other, and two huge round mirrors. The shots I had planned out probably wouldn’t have worked anyway, and I thought the round mirrors made for some really interesting possibilities.

Mirrors really throw me off, and it is difficult for me to picture what the images will look like in terms of what will end up where (in this photo, I couldn’t really figure out where the blue would be and what would be behind me). It seems so obvious once I check the image in the display screen, but for the life of me I can’t seem to work it out before I snap the picture. Truth be told, I’ve always had trouble with spatial reasoning.

I love how much Simon is talking these days. He’s definitely at the stage where it’s helpful to have an interpreter (usually Mommy) around to help give some context for his very sincere storytelling.

Here are a few of Simon’s most commonly used phrases, should you find yourself in conversation with him:

Choo Choo boom! (trans. “The train crashed [went boom]!”)—This likely comes from a Thomas the Tank Engine story. It is often used immediately following a greeting—he likes to dive right into conversation. Common variations include Buzz [Lightyear] boom! and Mama/Dada boom or Choo Choo stnuck no (trans. “Choo Choo got stuck in the snow”).

Oh da. (trans. “Oh, yes”)

Eat doats (trans. “Feed the goats”)—Simon loves to feed the goats at the Lincoln Children’s Zoo. He uses “feed” and “eat” interchangeably, so while “eat doats” is adorable, “Mama eat Baby” (trans. “Mama is feeding Ian” or “Mama, it’s time to feed Baby”) is rather disturbing.

Iss nine up (looking at his wrist) (trans. “It’s nine o’clock. Time to get up.”)—I have no idea where he got this, but he says either as an answer to the question What time is it? or as a protest against bedtime.

Meet Dada (trans. “It’s time to go meet Daddy.”) —Simon loves to walk to meet Jason as he walks home from work. The only problem is that he usually starts asking to go around 4 pm (Jason doesn’t usually get off work until 6).

I no poo poo! I no poo poo!—Well, this one probably doesn’t need translation. He can’t be trusted, though; he often protests even when he does need a diaper change.

I no teenty (trans. “I’m not stinky”)—See previous entry. He’ll also deny it if you say his feet are stinky or if you call him Stinky Pete (a reference to Toy Story 2).

No boots—Most everyone recognizes Simon’s yellow boots. We’ve been trying to wean him off of them, but I think he got so used to people commenting on his boots every time we’d go anywhere (every. time.) that now he feels the need to either point out (to friends or strangers) that he’s not wearing them. (If he is wearing them, he’ll say, “I boots.”)

Do meents (trans. “Two mints [please]”)—Simon is hooked on breath mints and requests them in pairs. He will also accept two “beans” (any kind of small, round candy; originally jelly beans).

Baby Een boo ice (trans. “Baby Ian has blue eyes”)—He will also tell you, “I bown ice” (“I have brown eyes”), Mama and Papa (Grandpa Carlson) have “bown ice”; Dada, Grandpa (Morehead), and Grandma (Morehead) have “boo ice”; and Nana (Grandma Carlson) has “geen ice” (green eyes).

Buzz ond! (trans. “Buzz says, ‘To infinity and beyond!’”)—Another reference to the Toy Story movies.

Dah huh! (no trans.)—He says this with great enthusiasm whenever you repeat back to him what he was trying to communicate.

Geen doghh! (trans. “Green means ‘go’!”)—I couldn’t figure this out for a long time because we’ve been saying it for quite a while with no indication that he understood. He has been saying “Top!” (“Stop!”) for a while now (but he still has no word for “red”).

I no nigh nigh/Iss no nigh nigh (trans. “I don’t want to go to bed/It’s not bedtime”)—Well, what kid does, especially in the summer?

Iss daaahhk, iss night (trans. “It’s dark; it’s night”)—An observation, seemingly unconnected in his mind to bedtime.

Ah done (trans. “All done” or possibly “I’m done”)—Lately he’s been getting up from his naps and saying, “Mama, Ah done nigh nigh.”

I’m just going to say that I didn’t expect to feel nearly as self-conscious photographing myself as I do. It didn’t occur to me that that would be one of the harder aspects of this undertaking. Getting the first two shots wasn’t so bad, since they were taken in the privacy of my own car (though I suppose that mindset is why people get caught picking their noses at stoplights). For the third one, though, I felt downright silly—and rightly so.

Today’s shot (and tomorrow’s as well) was taken in a public restroom (does anyone want to guess where?), one that locks and is never busy, especially during the time of day when I was there. But no sooner had I pulled out the camera and fired off a couple of stray shots (taking self-portraits in a mirror is considerably harder than it looks) than someone tried the door. After that I was flustered and called this one “good enough” (even if I have all the time in the world, I still find I don’t know what to do with my face, expressionwise). The other location I used today was even worse—it was the kind where someone could have walked in at any time (no one did, but my mind was only half on what I was doing because I was trying to decide if I would try to explain or quick put the camera away before I got “caught”).

And equally surprising to me is the fact that I don’t mind posting the photos. I mean, yes, I suppose I do feel a bit more vulnerable than usual, but I think I might have braced myself for that such that the reality is not as bad as I was thinking it might be. It occurs to me that this is a personal blog, so it’s pretty much about me in some way, shape, or form all the time anyway, so “putting myself out there” is not actually new—different form, same blah blah blah.

But probably the real reason that I’m not feeling as self-conscious about posting photos of myself this week is that the project is turning out to be much less about my appearance—do I look pretty?—than I initially thought. That said, I do find myself worrying more about what people will think of the photos as art—is it interesting?—than I usually do with my “normal” blog fodder. And, of course, that’s just a different kind of vanity.

Without making too many excuses or apologies, I will say that this one gives the general idea of what I was going for but that I would need to make quite a few changes if I were really to get it just right. In the end, this makes me think of a location scouting trip—getting down the outline of ideas with the intention of thinking it through, planning it out, and coming back later to shoot for real (except I’m not going to do any of that).

The method: found a puddle in the parking lot of the Fremont State Lakes, set the camera on the hood of the car, started the timer, ran around to the other side of the puddle, did a silly pose (the non-pose pose in this case), checked to make sure I was even in the frame. Repeated several times until the camera battery died (I didn’t have an extra). The kids had fallen asleep in the car, and my mom was witness to me making a fool of myself trying to get the shot. I probably would have felt too self-conscious to even try had it been anyone else.

*A funny side note here: Jason has a terrible habit of forgetting to change from these prescription sunglasses to his regular glasses (he keeps threatening to get Transitions lenses). Even though our attention had just been focused (haha, no pun intended) on his sunglasses, he still forgot to change them when we went into the house.

So to make the comment that borders on the cliché, I will just say that I would probably be a lot kinder to myself if I actually did see myself through Jason’s eyes more often. He is not critical of me (except occasionally constructively), which I appreciate incredibly whenever I allow myself to believe it. Also, I’ve had “In Your Eyes,” by Peter Gabriel, in my head all afternoon.

A comment that Jen made on yesterday’s post got me thinking again about my purposes in this self-portrait project. Initially I probably thought my main point was to allow myself to become more comfortable in front of the camera. But if that’s the case, then today’s image doesn’t really work—you wouldn’t even know that it is me in the reflection unless I told you (and Simon actually looked at it and said, “Dada!”).

In other words, my purposes as well as my feelings about myself and the photos are all kind of tangled up and actually changing as we go along. However, I do think it would be safe to say that my point, at least in part, is simply to create seven images of myself that are hopefully somewhat interesting and that allow me to stretch creatively.

The other day when I previewed my self-portrait project, I forgot to mention that I would love it if anyone would like to join me and share their own self-portraits too. So who’s with me?

This one was taken with the mirror in the car’s sun visor (passenger side). I spend a lot of time looking in the car mirrors, not at myself, but at my kids in the backseat—always checking who’s with me.

And speaking of who is (or isn’t) with me, I do find that I tend to be more comfortable with photos of myself if there is also someone else in the picture. I say this without making a value judgement. When it comes to these self-portraits that I’m doing, I’m not saying it’s better or even braver to take pictures with just me. And I don’t know yet whether family or friends will end up with me in any of these shots this week. I’m just making an observation that it seems to be easier for me to relax if someone else is sharing the frame. (On a related note, almost without fail I think a group shot is “good” if it is “good” of me, regardless of how everyone else looks. But I think that’s how just about everyone feels.)