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I’ve been trying for weeks, maybe months, to put words to a fairly significant shift in my spirit—a shift in the way(s) that I’m thinking and feeling about my life, whether it be about relationships, work, church, future, community, art, or the state of my car’s backseat. The other day I was lurking around the blog of a friend of a friend, and I finally found an image that fits. This guy writes, “Lately, I’ve found myself experiencing God in profound, inexplicable ways...like Yaweh’s put my spirit in a blender and pushed the liquefy button.” Yeah, me too! He was speaking quite specifically of Communion, but the image resonated for me on a more general level...like it describes me all the time lately, it seems. I was struck by the violence of the blendering, by what I imagine might be the sweetness of the result, and most especially by the liquidyness. The image works, too, because whatever it is that’s going on in me is (quoting Lindell again) “mysterious, turbulent, and far beyond my control.” And for the life of me, I can’t think of any other way to describe it.
I realized today that I’ve felt like this before. Didn’t like it then, don’t particularly like it now. It makes me all weak in the knees. It signals that I am not in control of my life. I am not in control of my future. It makes me wonder what God is up to with his spirit liquidizer and whether I will continue to resist him or whether I will ever learn to just. calm. down.
the comments on liquidyness could only make me crave the peach-pear smoothie down the road at caffeine dreams. oye vey. i am mindful (though still hungry) of the non-solid phase which leads me to OT references of "the waters." powerful, elemental, unpredictable, chaotic...your blender. YHWH makes to flow waters of such stuff that will change and wash, mold and erode us all. there is a certain steadiness and promise in it all though; beneficence undelved, indescribable, unthinkable. grace in the torrent. even now, more and more.
Jason, welcome! I've been thinking of you these days...good to hear from you (even if it is just in bloggie world).
Yes, I hadn't made that connection with OT waters, but it certainly is deep calling deep.
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