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As the calendar changes, so will the weather, and the idea of change seems heavy on my heart. March 1st holds no statistical, cosmological, or astrological significance. But it means that in less than 10 weeks I will quit my job. In 11 weeks I will get to marry Andy. In 12 weeks I will pack up all my worldly possessions into my red Hyundai and move to North Carolina.
I will leave The Grand.
All of these things were true on February 28th, but as of March 1st, it's felt more real.
Over the past month or so, we've been talking pragmatically about this impending change; who's name will be on the bills; when will we move out; which CDs are mine; what recipes do we need to copy. But it feels time to move beyond the pragmatism...
For those of you who don't know, "The Grand" isn't a website, it's a famhold that started two years ago in April when Joie and I got the crazy idea of living together. We brought Renae in on the idea and she volunteered Brook's participation without really asking. In a few short weeks, Renae and I would leave our single-unit dwellings, Joie would leave the Moseman household, Brook would arrive from Zambia, and we would call 1000 S 8th St. home.
In those early days a friend called us the "Woman House". In light of our single-statuses at the time, this was not a name we wanted to encourage. So instead, we took a cue from our address and called ourselves "The Grand".
We didn't want to just be roommates. We had a vision of living in community. We wanted to be involved in each other's lives. To know that we weren't alone in this world. That when we made mistakes, we were still loved. We wanted a place where we could cry, and where others could too...
Throughout the months (and years) to follow, this vision ebbed and flowed. Our committment to the house has both wavered and been renewed more than once. As it often is, it seems that people who have looked in from the outside have been able to see the uniqueness of it all more clearly than we have.
Over the past week or two, I have been hit with the fact that changes are coming quickly. They are coming and we must embrace them. We must embrace these changes in order to preserve this time and prepare for the next stages of our friendships and lives.
I'm hoping that for the next couple of months the blog space will be a space where we can reflect on personal stories, lessons and thoughts on living in community, quotable quotes, archived photos, and hopes for the future.
A story told for others to hear. A bit of therapy to deal with change. A bit of history, written in stone. Our on-going vision to share.
Charity, your thoughts remind me of something I keep learning and relearning: the sacrament of finitude, I'll call it. (came up with that on-the-spot, it might not work, we'll see...). the idea being that many things in life gain value and beauty and extend grace in part because of their intrinsic time-limitedness. it is because they have a start and a finish that they matter, and trying to make them last beyond their time destroys their worth. I think of the Sabbath this way. and try to mark its beginning and end in a clear way. some of the places I've spent my summers are the same. and college too. I think it's best said by Mary Oliver in part of a favorite poem:
"To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go."
Thanks for reminding me of this truth again. In this life I guess the eternal is only ever glimpsed in the material and the finite - in experiences like The Grand. I guess that's what the Gnostics just can't seem to get right...
CT, I don't know if I'm prepared to think about the final days of The Grand as it stands now, but I love what you wrote and the beautiful expression of past, present and future it contains. I hope to read more on the blog in the next few months -- it'd be cool to hear from some of the less vocal housemates (ahem, Joie & Brook?). ; )
Katie, your comment has been on my mind in the last few days. I agree with your "sacrament of finitude" concept. So often I spend too much time mourning the passing of an era and way too much time transitioning into my present situation. There is indeed something important though about marking the beginning and ending of an experience.
I'm just surprised that Renae consented to the term "famhold." :)
Charity,
It seems like it would save a lot of hassle if this hottie boy would just move to Lincoln. What up with that?
JR
*lol*! you're right john, he is a hottie boy! ;)
charity,
(late) congrats on your engagement. it certainly looks like the grand is something quite special, but there's absolutely nothing like being one with another.
my folks live in the chapel hill area (my mom works for the Chapel Hill Bible Church and my dad for UNC Hospitals), so perhaps we'll run into you around town someday?
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